Currently on the book of Exodus.
It came to me that perhaps the past few years of my walk with God has been a walk in the wilderness. I reflected a lot these days about the past few years, it feels like those years are wasted and I could have done things a lot better, perhaps my current life would have been different. But, will it be what He wants me to go through? I wished I understood my flaws and weaknesses earlier and did something about it. God knew from the beginning how the children of Israel would respond.. but He still brought them through the wilderness journey. God knew how I would hide from certain issues He wants me to deal with and yet He brought me through this journey as well.
So..the paragraph above was written before the admin devotion where Pst Glordia shared the word. Interestingly, she shared about eagles and also a wilderness experience for them when they go through moulting. We do go through the time of moulting as well, I guess for us it is more like molding.
“Either you moult or die”
An eagle can choose to die or moult and increase its lifespan by 30 years, stronger and better. However this season of moulting, which lasts for about 5 months, would be the most difficult time of an eagle’s life.
As these were being shared, I thought, “wow, isn’t this what I have been pondering about” I think I am constantly in a position of making that decision “die or continue this process of moulting”. It is a difficult journey and sometimes I feel really alone and self-condemning. I realized how much I have detached myself from certain gatherings, friends and even my own feelings. This detachment I learnt from Morrie, is it a good thing? I guess there are still certain areas of my life which I have not changed in the past 27 years of my existence yet I am still walking, my life still has a value. And why? It is the grace and mercy of God that have kept me all these while.
At this rate I am going with my post, it is going to become a birthday post (it’s 16 Nov as I typed this). So yes last night at cg’s bday celebration, I didn’t know what I should say for the speech. Can’t do such spontaneous speech. As I thought about it, I felt that I should have shared part of what I have written here. Thank God for His grace all these years, He is amazing. By the world’s standard, I probably have failed badly at my job, relationships, life, even more.
Thank You for walking with me in this wilderness. And I am glad that You are the one that walked alongside with me. I think I have lost much in this journey but I have forgotten or “detached” from them. Is it still painful? I guess so, if I were to dig out the memories and think about them again, but I choose not to. Although it is a wilderness journey, it was a new journey that I could start with You.
And He said, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” Then he said to Him, “If Your Presence does not go with us, do not bring us up from here. For how then will it be known that Your people and I have found grace in Your sight, except You go with us? So we shall be separate, Your people and I, from all the people who are upon the face of the earth.”
Exodus 33:14-16 NKJV
Thank You for writing this story of my life, I am looking forward to the future and how it will unfold.