為了 唯一

remind me again why I have not given up

愛是空白日記
我是筆
任你 塗鴉著回憶

這是唯一特例

Again

Before entering into (lunar) new year..

I was recalling on an issue in my life and how many times I’ve told myself to give up but end up persisting..

First, the time of my extreme insecurity.
I realized much about my shattered hope,
but I couldn’t let go.

Second, the time when I realize that my words are just words to be entertained,
but I was given a thought to give.

Third, the time where I told myself that it was the “craziest” and last thing I would do,
but that didn’t become a last.

Fourth, the time when the sign did not come to past,
but I still lingered.

Fifth, the time when I heard the “news”.
Again hope was shattered,
but there the desire to support came

Now, slightly shaken again and wondering what’s the next step to take. I made a decision which idk it is out of impulse or something I should do.

And if I do.. will this be the last? Looking at the pattern, nah.

Where is this leading me to?

I hope as I enter the new year, I enter into something new that God has in stored for me.

新年快乐!

我是瘋了嗎?

I am glad that certain things have become countable.
Few more months… nah this time it’s not going to be the same.
In this 2 months there were 2 words that has been floating in my mind,

Love
Trust

These are the things that require courage, also the weapons against fear. I’ve been getting better.

In talking to this relatively new friend I’ve made, I realized how far I’ve come. How much more I am satisfied with the love I receive as compared to before. How assured I am now than previous years in my walk with God.

我說你像是我的花
你依然還是
其實你就像個小孩
你的愛很執著
然而你也害怕去愛
因為失去都不是我們想要的結果

我不會放棄
because love never gives up

My flower

No one ever gave me the permission to assign this term.
Thinking about it, I realized that I really have no right to do so..
But I feel happy with this unofficial name. I’m glad to have it as the title.

I thought you might need my watering but no… you have stubborn roots (scientifically wrong sorry) that requires little of it just like a desert plant..

I thought I’ll need to protect my flower but the truth is the flower is a defence of my heart. How can I even protect you? You dealt with more for me than I did for you.

My flower doesn’t need me.
Because the nutrients are not running out and you are a wild flower that can survive the changing circumstances in nature. You don’t need a gardener.

But how about a gardener and friend that loves….