Back to You

This is the first time I’m not dealing with it one-sided. It seems more difficult than before exactly because this time it’s not about myself. But I trust You Lord.. because You’ve been showing me how much You love and care for me. Whatever tears, pain, grief, I know it’s all in Your hands.. And You’re going to take care of it. 

Last night the song came to my mind again as I did my qt. It’s a song that constantly comes in my time of worship. Quite an old song, simple yet draws me close to the One. 

Lovely are Your dwelling places
Thirsty, I come after You
Jesus my joy, my reward
Your love’s restoring my soul
Now I am Yours and You are mine
And from my heart a song will rise
I love You I love You I love You
And my heart will follow wholly after You

Next two weeks let me just focus on what I really need to focus on.. Your grace is sufficient for me. 

The One who pursues

School started and it hasn’t been all smooth sailing. It isn’t just about the things that happened in school but also other things in my life. It has been emotionally tough these two weeks. But I thank God that He has been with me. This is a time I depend on Him like never before. Through so many incidents He showed His love so evidently. I just can’t express everything and His love is just beyond my comprehension.

I stopped listening to secular music and only p&w music for now…love songs of Jesus. Haha. Some days my heart was so heavy and every song seem to be a comfort or a victory for me.

Just like you, I want to get everything right this time as well.. I’ll persevere

Yesterday Jesus came into my room by giving me a vision. In that vision He was smiling at me even though others might not be. He’s saying “I’m so pleased and proud of you” and then my tears just came down, just couldn’t stop. It’s one very rare and precious moments I have with Him. In His grace, He showed it to me in this challenging time.

Then He showed me this:

1 Peter 5:2-11

“Care for the flock that God has entrusted to you. Watch over it willingly, not grudgingly—not for what you will get out of it, but because you are eager to serve God. Don’t Lord it over the people assigned to your care, but lead them by your own good example. And when the Great Shepherd appears, you will receive a crown of never-ending glory and honor. In the same way, you who are younger must accept the authority of the elders. And all of you, dress yourselves in humility as you relate to one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. Stand firm against him, and be strong in your faith. Remember that your family of believers all over the world is going through the same kind of suffering you are. In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation. All power to him forever! Amen.”

Spoke to me in so many areas.. TYJ.

Tough start

Let Your love be my companion
In the war against my pride
Long to break all vain obsession
Till You’re all I desire

Turn my eyes to see your face as all my fears surrender
Hold my heart within grace as burden turns to wonder

Some were saying that the year has been good so far… I realized it isn’t exactly so for me. It’s been challenging.. few challenges were posed to me and those few are really tough. I need to hold on to the One that really matters..break all the vain obsessions till He’s the only one left. It’s so hard..yet it is a must.

2017, let me persevere through.
The word for the year is persevere. I can do this..and I know I will.

2016

This is pretty much a delayed post. Usually I would have the inspiration to write this right before or after countdown. Well, I haven’t been finding time to sit down and just consolidate my thoughts. And yes, the promised travel posts still have yet to come to past. I shall not make more false promises on that. Anyway yes so 2016… it flew by so fast and yet there were so many things that took place. I went to read the post I wrote at the end of 2015 and I said that “courage” would be my word for 2016. I think it was indeed the word for it. Courage. I’ve been pretty bold in my decisions and choices. I’m not a very decisive person but I guess the courage I have this year has helped me a bit.

I’ve been bad at letting go. This year I did it, by His grace. It’s always difficult to make that decision to “unlove”. Yea that word doesn’t even exist. I told God, “I don’t want to love again at the expense of myself.” I wanted to be selfish and just focus on myself. Ok, maybe not entirely selfish, but just learn to love myself more. I don’t think I did that very well but I’ve become a lot more secure than before, knowing that it’s not always my fault when people don’t love me back. It’s not always my fault that people choose to leave my life. At this point of time…I’m faced with a similarly tough decision that requires courage. Will my love be treasured or will it be thrown away again at the end of the day? It feels surreal to have someone who would reciprocate in the same way. And yet..there’s still a barrier to overcome and a lot of faith and prayer is required. I deserve the best….as He would say to me.

This year has been exciting. Went through a period of transition from school to work, had added commitments in ministries. Faced all these with laughter, pain and tears. Was really tough at some points but I also realized how tough I am. Thank you all who have been with me through 2016, the good or the bad, even those I have lost in the midst of everything.

2017….I pray for a smooth transition into work. I can feel that this is a year of new things, new hope, new visions. I don’t really know the word for 2017 yet. It’s gonna be challenging, with a lot of getting used to. I don’t know what holds ahead…..

I’ve been revisiting on the tabernacle again…not exactly sure what God is telling me through it. I need more time in His word, in having conversations with Him but I don’t want it to happen through a crisis or challenge. I want it to be a habit, a lifestyle.

2017
-learn cooking
-write my own devotionals
-be more consistent in recording
-be in my full potential
-continue to love, forgive and trust

So I was reading my past posts and found this conversation I recorded.. (paraphrased)

“Can I don’t love people?”
“You can…but you will realize it’s not you so you will still love them”

Is love still the best choice?
If so, help me Jesus.

This year, let me be the best for You.