Hello. It’s been two months, this is a new record. It seems like I have been busy going through life. Half the year have passed, I’ve gotten older with many thoughts along the way and yet less had been recorded. As I journey on the train I can feel how fast paced the life in this city is. The queue before entering the train, the sound of the shoes ‘ticking’. Such haste, such busyness. On the train, people stare at the phones, some already begun their day’s work. Some need to read, in order not to be left behind by the pace of life. Some play their mobile game, watch the videos they love, because this is a time of enjoyment before everything starts. As I look back in the past few months and even the past few days, I felt perhaps I am not made for this pace of life, or am I just weak? Nah. Sometimes it’s not that one is weak but the city is simply too stressful. I now understand why people would want to migrate and seek a life elsewhere, start anew. It is pretty tempting to me haha. Anyway I already felt I won’t be staying here for long. What is long? I don’t know. I had various aspirations and desires in the past few years and I am seeing people around me fulfilling it. It’s sad that I could have done something about it and yet I didn’t. It seems like I have not achieved anything at all. So what are the past 10 years for? I believe that it is a preparation for what is about the come, the life that I really desire and being able to do the things I want to do. So people would ask, “what do you want to do??” Pretty much in doubt that a boring person like me would have desires. Well, if I can I would take a year off just to learn the things I want to learn- music, cooking etc. Also to exercise, travel and write. Can I do that? The demands of life doesn’t seem to allow it. Where do I get the money? I also don’t wish to communicate much with people, leave the chats and just enjoy what I do. Is that possible too?
Sometimes I think of leaving everyone without saying a word and move on to the life I desire. Then again, is that what You desire of me? Travelling to work again after a night of OT makes me feel really tired. Yet, I feel happy because I bought breakfast that I like. Ha. So what is this? I am just thinking ahead of what the next stage of my life can be like. I know that wherever I am at now is temporary. Knowing this, I guess I have the right to dream, to hope?
My body is tired but my soul isn’t yet. Now, let me take a breather and enjoy this train ride.
Letters to Nowhere 