Like how the laptop or the phone does. I realised it’s a privilege to restart and not everyone has the ability to do so.
The second half of the year was a huge wave of changes, adaptations and learning new things about myself. New country, new living environment, new friends, new knowledge, wishful thinkings, and a scam. My finances are almost down to a zero. I had to restart.
It didn’t really occur to me as a restart in the beginning. At the start of it was simply beating myself up for the mistake I have made. That thought didn’t last very long I guess, because I knew I had to deal with my pride towards the people around me, family, friends. Even with that, I didn’t think of life at this point as a reset, or a restart. It is when I realised I probably do not have the money to pay for my next semester and really needed a source of income. I went back to what I was familiar with, translation, and kinda just stayed on this path. It is like in a game, I knew there were golden coins in this path for me to collect. It is not a lot, but it is something. I had to start collecting the coins again.
Then again, isn’t life like a game? and aren’t games based on life? It makes sense.
When I thought of it as a restart, I felt hope. I am not sure how to explain this feeling. I guess I feel glad that I am able to do a restart at this age. It might mean that I am falling behind everyone else, but I feel gladness in my heart. That is not to say I am not worried about my future, but at least I have hope.
Speaking of age, it is really just a number. It does not equate to the amount of experiences we need to progress in life. If we reach a certain age and force ourselves to level up (at this point I am thinking of pokemon evolving) without the experiences and lessons we needed to comfortably survive the stage, we might suffer.
In 2020, I started this 80k Dream Project for myself. My aim of it is basically to be able to fund for my studies and cost of living in Australia. I created a folder in my laptop and for everything that is linked to achieving this goal, I save it in this folder. Of course, I never really got close to that amount. Maybe at most half of it, which have been expended in the first semester. And now, I am close to 0. The name of this project probably can change now since I survived my first semester. Anyway, I started saving new things into this folder and feel hopeful I am still on this path, and I can restart. I don’t really understand why, maybe it is because I know I am not out of the game yet.
Update on my job search, I was offered interviews for 3 jobs (out of maybe 20+ or 30+ applications, I lost count). I failed #1, passed #2 before #3. I went with job #2, which is one that fits my best case scenario among the three. Regular income + being able to continue it as I continue my studies in Australia. I’m not sure if you could imagine how thankful I am for the grace of God with all these, but I really am.
This post was not meant to be a year-end post (I started this draft beginning of Dec), but I suppose it is apt. I want to thank God and all of you who have been in this journey with me. I know that sometimes you carefully express your concerns, because you were considerate of how I might feel. I appreciate it. Even if you had chosen to be harsh, I think I will also learn to accept it. The lessons of this year were painful but precious. Even though I needed to restart, I know I am not falling behind.
Looking forward to 2023 🙂
Letters to Nowhere 